Writers block signin off...

Dope!

ellerhur

when I hand you a black-eye like your Captain Hook
A new dawn, girls loose they bras, booty calls
while the only pussy you get is from booty calls
Ga'head.. bust a nut.. and then bust another
cause only twat you've been in.. was your mothers

Dope , eller hur !

du hr skrivit bättre men fortfarande mycket bra,fattar inte sista raden,care to explain? hade förövrigt vart kul att höra dig i audio

I think of a line that is dope then I write it on whoa
next week I here it comin out ya mic at your show
You biting my flow but your not tighter than holmz
you can steal my words but can't recycle my glow

- niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!!!

Älskar dig, jag skriver min text till dig ikväll :) så äter vi.. frid ut!

förövrigt är texten mad tight ;p

Crates whuz good?

I C U gettin´ better

overall an ok drop

breakdown of the verse

"I'm hungry for props, not from the munchies I've got
nah fucka I come for ya spot I'm the one on the top"

The wording is wrong
The correct way to say it: I´m the one (at) the top

You frontin like ya sumthin ya not, ya dummies should stop
cause just like yall rappers, the gun'll go pop

this would help the flow:

Fuck ya stuntin!
Ya frontin like ya sumthin ya not
Cuz like ALL you rappers, the gun I´ll go pop!

"Go back and punch in the clock, put ya lunch in a box
cause Dust is the only one who's runnin these blocks!"

ok bar except for "punch in the clock"
that´s incorrect. You´re either punching/ punchin´ the clock
Or, you "punch the clock". But there´s no "punch in the clock"

Heres an iller and tighther flip on it

Go back to punchin tha clock, put ya lunch in a box
it´s like PCP in the eighties, the way "Dust" runs tha block!

the metaphor makes it iller. PCP is also called angel dust So that´s a wordplay on your name too
And pcp/ angel dust, was pretty big in the 70´s and the 80´s

"Suck on my cock, matter of fact suck on this Glock
put ya hands in the air give me the watch and your gwap
You want me to. cut you some slack and give you a break
but I'd rather. bust me a cap and piss in your face"

nothing spectacularbut this works, wording is on point
ok bar

"I think of a line that is dope then I write it on whoa
next week I here it comin out ya mic at your show"

This is basically a good bar wording is on, a solid bar

BUT, the meaning is a ambiguous, would you be at dude´s show in the first place? It sounds like you´re givin him props.
Like you would actually go to dudes show

"You biting my flow, but yu´re not tigher than holmz
you can steal my words but can't recycle my glow"

here, the word "holmz" is malplaced. when Uuse the word holmes, you´re refering to someone else, it´s not used to describe oneself

And I guess the second line works but since holmz and glow doesn´t rhyme, it takes
away from the flow

So a better way to flip it would be:

You´re bitin´ my flow,
but you ain´t tighter than ME, holmez!
You could recycle my words,
But can´t re create my glow

I'm rockin the scene, my speech polish the beat
like havin a leg amputated I demolish defeat

This doesn´t fly. it´s off point and doesn´t make sense

how are the feet demolished by the amputation of a leg?
I assume that you mean that you´re demolishing/ destroying "the feet"/ defeat-right?

Demolish means to pull down, knock down or to defeat something/ someone

and the meaning of defeat is to win over something/ someone,
and it also means loss of a game or race.

And how do you destroy defeat? I.e, how do you "destroy" a loss?

This bar is what you call redundant. And it doesn´t work

"You accomplish the least, your not in my league
ain't no muhfucka listen to the nonsense you speak
The jungle is deep, ready for rumble and beef
I pack a gun in my jeep under the seat, whut?"

Best bars so far. Decent Wording´s good. feelin it

"You frontin on me but y'all rappers shook
when I hand you a black-eye like your Captain Hook"

This one doesn´t work Captain Hook had a black eyepatch,
not a "black eye" The simili doesn´t fly

"A new dawn, girls loose they bras, booty calls
while the only pussy you get is from booty calls"

explain this one?

"Ga´head bust a nut and then bust another
cause only twat yoou´ve beeen in.. was yoor mothers"

A punch. it´s doin what it´s soposed to.
it doesn´t rate all that high on the originality scale,
but like I said, it works. Only, you should of phrased it like this:

..couse "the" only twat you´ve been in, was your mothers.

"The word on the streets is I'm ruthless sick
cause I'm "Disturbin the Peace" like I'm Ludacris"

This is played. It´s been said too many times before.

"I'm.. smokin on shrooms with sum hoes in my room
and when you come to the party I lower the boom
Everybody know that I'm controllin the power
You better... go in the shower, throw in towel
I'm way sicker... compared to newbies
I'm the illest fuck what you heard like Scary Movie"

These bars are aigh, I´m feelin em somewhat.

but if you´da squeezed some more mutlies in there,it woulda made it tighter

Like so

I´m smokin on shroomz,
Got sum hoes up in my room.
When you arrive at the party,
I´ll lower the boom!
Snap! Everybody knows
that I´m controllin´ the "POWER"
Ya stink, go in tha shower!
have ya girl "throw in the towel"
Ya too broke to rap
ya can´t afford to buy a vowel!
I´m WAY sicker, compared to ya newbies!
DAMN! It´s only been a year,
since ya´ll first got yer pubies!
Ya´ll rollin up tobacco,
and play, like ya´ll smokin doobies!
But I´mma kill this,
I´m tha illest
Phucc whatcha heard!
like "scary movies"!

Overall a pretty good drop. U´re improoving.

Stay up

hm... gillade detta dock slog detta inte lika hårt som texter jag läst innan från dig.

Tyckte djyyyret klippte in ett par feta rader.


BLeSs

En del stavfel, grammattiska fel och felaktiga liknelser sänkte intrycket. Zooka sa faktiskt en del vettiga saker för en gångs skull, även om alla hans förslag på förbättringar givetvis är försämringar

"I think of a line that is dope then I write it on whoa
next week I here it comin out ya mic at your show"
- Kändes lite väl likt nån gammal dissrad Eminem lagt mot Kashal-Tee, som jag tyvärr inte minns alls hur den gick, men innebörden var rätt mycket detsamma.

Annars är det tungt som vanligt från dig.

Raymo eminemraden gick såhär ungefär I listen to your demo,pretend I don't like it,six months later it's your lyrics on my shit