Initial perception, are the first thoughts final?

Initial perception, are the first thoughts final?

Fighting; like every family member
Like nana' and grandpa
Stubborn like noone, sorry I dont remember the last time
I saw you, I try to backtrack and find
Every happy memory, from cauliflower soup to all the hours you
Brought us out to loot, the goofs that all of you
Made up and hid, left for us to find on paper on cliffs
On tree's with axes, hidden in cabbage
Paperbits on paperclips waiting for kids
To find out and laugh at, later..
Never chanceless, slim chances enhanced with hope
Reality caught us with our pants undone
Striking down like thunder..

Well, at least it's..
A wonder you're alive and breathing
Looking like you're tired, sleeping
Know this, through the wires and beepings
I'm there with you, rolling tears
On the inside.. and you should know that
This is just how I pour water on my firey feelings
Writing
..times ain't easy