Tsun - The Place Promised In Our Early Days

yeah.. fett nice.. riktigt riktigt bra!! gillar hur du börjar o slutar med ungefär samma rad...

du målar upp meningarna jävla snyggt med ett skönt flyt genom hela texten... nice shiz asså...

favorit rader:

Of how I'm feeling, Because I told you I would build this castle,
So I'll fight every single second until I win this battle

Time flow away so fast and it's been days since your funeral,
And I can't find anything that I can really call beautiful.
Except the times I see pictures and remember your face,
And I dream about I'll see you in heaven someday.

keep it up.. hoppas man får höra audio på detta someday :)

Tack så mkt, Audio kommer om 3-7 dagar, min vän.
Tack för din tid, YO!

upp!

UPP!

Legetima, Varför vill du vara Eminem?

bra, men nog kan du bättre.. känns som om alla dina texter e likadana, om d nu e bra eller dåligt (?), men försök förnya dig lite, kan inte skada ;)

Spex, Det är sant det du säger, Mina texter är lika dana just nu!
Men jag försöker få till en riktigt bra text som flyter på bra och så, Men eftersom jag är audio rappare så blir det inte så enformigt heller, ska vara två stkn sånna här låtar på skivan, Pöjs kompis!

Ehh..
 so-so drop. This is way above the average on here.
Only problem is way above average on whoa, really doesn´t mean a whole lot.

But I like how you´re applying yourself with this.
More so than most heads.

So I´ll break down some of what you wrote,
with some pointers and suggestions for improovement.

Aigh?

I´ll start from the top. Basically your subject matter is aight,
you don´t really have any punches or metas.
But I guess it´s not really that kind of piece huh?

This to me, seemed more like a poem that rhymes.

What you mainly need to work on and brush up on,
is how you structure your lines, and how you phrase them.
I see you got ya li´l swinglish there with some of this stuff,
and much of your lines could have been phrased much better,
and therefore aren´t really on point, and so
what you´re trying to say is lost, or just not that well put.

I´ll go ahead and add here, how I might have phrased it.
And I´ll suggest some much needed improovements.

And right before I go at it right here, I also wanna mention real quick, the importance and significance of punctuation and you can´t forget yer commas, !!
Becouse it really makes a great difference in terms of the flow,
and helps the reader to catch what you´re tryina emphasize.
And it also gives a whole other dimension to you´re rhyming,
especially for a non audio drop.

(starting with your first line).

I wonder, where´s the place promised in my early days?

I guess it became a part, of everything else that turned grey.

(See? sometimes 1 single word makes all the difference, the word THAT, helps to make this line tighter and it makes it flow better).

Just bein honest, you gave me far too many targets!

(and sometimes less is more, or better.
The way you phrased it was kinda off, and this will flow better).

But I pick what´s promised, from out of the garbage.
Regardless, of how I´m feeling
Eventhough it had me reeling. (=staggering)

Becouse I told you, I would build this castle.
So I´ll fight, every waking moment until I win this battle.

I´m a lonely court jester.
I´m like a drop in a fountain.
But I promised I would climb, and get to the top of the muntain.
You complete my puzzle.
And I´m relentless, fightin in this endless struggle!
And thanks to you, my tender bubble still holds...

I reckon this I´ll give you a good clue of what I´m talking about.

Many of your lines were off point or incorrectly phrased or spelled, etc..

But still, a decent drop.
Way above the average on whoa.

PEACE. Stay up kid!







what improovements that