Roc-a-Scenes Vol. 1-9 *komplett*

Jay notices that they accidentally scratched his ride
Bleek: *Looks real nervous*
Jay: All I wanna know is who
Sparks: Bleek did it, Jay!
Bleek: BITCH! I didn't even wash that side!
Jay: Bleek, what'd I tell you about my doors?
Bleek: I know... wax on, wax off *does Karate Kid motion* I was doin that
Jay: Then how'd this scratch get on my door, Bleek?
Bleek: C'mon Jay--
Jay: Mr. Carter.
Bleek: I'm sorry... Mr. Carter... as I said, I didn't wash that side of the car.
Oskino: He lyin Jay! He did that whole side.. he wasn't watchin what he was doin. I saw him when he scratched it!
Bleek: Nigga, if you was watchin what you was doin, how the fuck did you see when I scratched it?
Jay: So you did scratch it
Bleek: I mean.. no-- I mean, he didn't see me not scratch it... cause I didn't.
Sparks: BUSTED!!
Bleek: Nigga, your grill is busted. FUCK YOU!
Jay: Bleek, you disappoint me.
Bleek: Aw c'mon Ja- Mr. Carter.
Jay: I ask you to do this one simple thing, and you can't even do that right. I tried to give you an indoor job, and you fucked my carpet all up.
Bleek: Man, them corners is tricky!
Jay: Enough... give me the keys to your ride.
Bleek: But that's mine! I had that before I even met you.
Jay: *reaches out hand*
Bleek: but.. but... you won't even drive my car. What you need it for??
Jay: The keys, nigga.
Dame: HOLLA!
Bleek: *hands Jay-Z his car keys*
Jay: (looking at Oskino) Hey, Sparks
Oskino: Yes Jay?
Jay: Sparks, take the keys. *throws them to Oskino*
Oskino: I'm not old enough to drive yet.
Jay: No, I want you to drag the keys along the side of Bleek's ride.
Bleek: Aw c'mon man. That's my only ride man.
Dame: hehehe

Roc-a-Scene Vol. 2:


Bleek: you seem to be only concerned with dissin women, were you abused as a child, scared to smile... they called you ugly? HAHAHA Holla!

-- Bleek, getting into the moment, lets the rhythm take over and does the Harlem Shake. He then crosses his legs & spins around like a Temptation. On his second spin, he notices Jay-Z in the doorway --

Jay: :-|
Bleek: Hov! Uh, Mr. Carter.... what up
Jay: :-|
Bleek: It's not what it looks like. I... I'm bootlegging that faggot's CD. I-- I was just making sure the CD-Rs play on the stereo.. cause you know how sometimes they play on the computer, but--
Jay: Bleek...
Bleek: Nah man, I swear. I was just making sure it played.
Jay: Bleek, silence. You really leave me with no other choice.
Bleek: *gets on his knees* PLEASE JAY! You gotta believe me! I hate that nigga, I was just tryin to bootleg his shit. I was doin it for you!

-- Beanie Sigel walks in --

Beans: Ayo Bleek... oh, what up Jay? Bleek, your sister's on line 2. She wanna know when you gonna return her Nas CD.
Bleek: *looks at Jay, nervously* Uh... right... tell her that I'm almost done making all the bootleg copies. *winks at Beanie* I'll give it to her tonight.
Beans: Cool... *talks into the phone* Uh... she wants to know when you're gonna bring back her 'Word Up!' fold out poster with Nas licking his lips.
Bleek: what??
Jay: :-|
Bleek: Aw Jay, I don't know nothin about no Nas poster. Beans, hang up!
Beans: She said she wants this one back in good condition... the last one had wrinkles and stains on it.
Bleek: Man what?? HANG UP, MAN! HANG UP!
Jay: *shakes head*

-- Dame Dash walks in from the side door, holding a phone --

Dame: (in a little girl's voice) Yeah, Beanie... tell him I want my Nas pillow case back too... and my Nas trading cards.
Jay and Beans: hahahahaha
Bleek: MAN, FUCK Y'ALL! See that's why I don't fuck with y'all niggas like that. Y'all play too fuckin much!

Roc-a-Scene Vol.3

Roc-A-Scenes brought out of retirement by request...

Dame: Hey, everybody pay attention... I got an important Roc-A-Nnouncement! HOLLA!
Jay and Beans: *look up from rollin dice*
State Property: *pauses Grand Theft Auto Vice City*
Cam'Ron: *stops arguing with a bitch over whose blouse is the pinkest*
M.O.P.: *stops bouncing off the walls screaming*
Freeway: *stops crying and looks up like a sad puppy*
Memphis Bleek: *looks up from scrubbing the floor with his toothbrush*
Dame: Bleek, this don't concern you. Get back to work.
Bleek: Man, why--
Dame: Bleek! we had this discussion. You must like wearing that Roc-A-Wear bib at dinner.
Young Chris: hahaha HOLLA!
Bleek: *mumbles under his breath and continues scrubbing*
Dame: Alright, um... we have another addition to the Roc-A-Fella family. I want you all to show him the same respect you show M.O.P., Twista, and every other artist on our roster...
Beans: *looks at Dame and rolls his eyes toward Bleek*
Dame: oh, except Bleek.
Everyone: Oh, aight...
Dame: Now, this is an artist I've had a lot of respect for... for years. But as you all know, we're not allowed to compliment any artist in the industry until they're signed to the Roc, and I'm proud to say... that day has arrived.
Everyone: *looks on with anticipation*
Dame: Aight, come on out man.
Talib Kweli: *jogs through the door wearing a blue Roc-A-Wear jump suit and a green kufi*
Dame: TALIB KWELI! KILLA KWA! TaliBAN! HOLLA!
Cam'Ron: *turns up his nose*
Jay and Beans: *go back to rollin dice*
M.O.P.: FIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Young Chris: *points to GTA Vice City* Ayo Free, watch me jack this nigga!
Freeway: *cries*
Dame: Ay...this nigga is hot! I'm tellin y'all. Killa Kwa, kick that blaze! HOLLA!
Talib: HOLLA!... Yo.. Yo... Yo... *looks around and sees no one listening* Yo.. Yo...
Dame: *nudges Talib*
Talib: Yo... Yo... I'm the Roc like roll, hot like soul, bout to make the game stop like hold...I want a pot like gold...
Beans: Damn, this nigga be sayin "like" more than anybody I ever heard.
Jay: Who?
Beans: Nevermind...
M.O.P.: FIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
Cam'Ron: *walks up to Talib and cuts him off* Yo, this label only big enough for one killa.
Talib: Good, then I got here just in time.
Bleek: HAHAHAHA
Everyone in the room: SHUT UP BLEEK!
Cam'Ron: Yo Dames... you my man and I love you like a wife, but you be feelin some fruity shit. What this nigga be talkin bout, Africa and shit? We ganxta nigga. KILLA!
Talib: *cocks back and punches the shit outta Cam*
Everyone in the room: HOLLA!
M.O.P.: FIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

*to be continued*

Roc-a-Scene Vol.4:





Just Blaze: We're having quite the run...

Kanye: I did Takeover, do you got beef with Naaaas?

Just Blaze: Stop saying that, dawg. I can't get your fuckin verse outta my head.

Kanye: Man, my album is gonna be the shit. You should hear the beats I've been saving for it.

Just Blaze: Saving?

Bleek: *raises brow*

Just Blaze and Kanye: *look over to Bleek*

Bleek: *gets back to polishing*

Kanye: ... yeah, saving.

Just Blaze: Shit, I just give out the beats as I do 'em.

Kanye: Big mistake man... how you look havin Jay come to you for some heat and you gave your last shit to Bleek?

Just Blaze: HAHAHAHA

Bleek: Ayo, I'm standin right here nigga. Y'all could a least talk about me behind my back.

Kanye: Anyway, you gotta hold back sometimes.

Just Blaze: Didn't you sell Poppin Tags and Never Change to other niggas, then resold them to Jay?

Kanye: ............. I did take over the game! brought back the soul! *does the cabbage patch*

Just Blaze: You stupid.

Kanye: But seriously... you ever make some hot shit and think to yourself... "damn, this beat is golden..."

Just Blaze: *nods*

Kanye: ...and you think about all the great emcees in the game, and how we're kinda wasting beats on some average lyricists. It really contributes to the downward spiral in hip-hop, where talented original hip-hop artists recieve less recognition for their craft, because the so-called "hot producers" will only work with whoever's hot. One day, we'll look back on our millions and feel cheated... not only having cheated the hip-hop culture of some truly timeless music, but cheated ourselves out of the experience of creating the classic music like our forefathers in the rap game. Sometimes, I ask myself, is it all worth it.

Just Blaze: ......

Kanye: ......

Kanye and Just Blaze: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bleek: *grins... and gradually works up enough nerve to start laughing outloud* HAHAHA

Kanye and Just Blaze: SHUT UP BLEEK!

Bleek: *pouts*

Kanye and Just Blaze: *return to their girlish cackling*

Roc-a-Scene Vol. 5



Roc-A-Scenes: Gold is Old



Bleek: Ayo, I got a problem...
Jay: HAHA Rock beats scissors niccuuuh!
Dame: Man, I got titanium scissors... that NASA shit. It cuts through rock nigga.
Jay: How you gonna pick scissors anyway? You know I'ma go with rock. This the ROC niccuh! I always go with rock.
Dame: Whatever
Bleek: Hello??
Jay: We been playin this since 95 and I go with rock every single time.
Dame: I know... I-- I just keep thinkin you gonna switch it up and go with paper every time.
Bleek: HELLO?!?
Jay: Nigga I got enough paper, forreal.
Dame: haha no doubt. HOLLA!
Jay: HOLLA!
Bleek: YO!!
Dame: C'mon Jay, let's go another round...
Jay: You know the rules... don't be a sore loser.
Bleek: *mumbles* Oh like you was after Ether came out.
Jay: *turns to Bleek* WHAT!??
Bleek: I said... like that faggot Nas was after you killed him with Super Ugly.
Jay: Nigga what do you want?
Bleek: I was just wondering... um... if it's not too much trouble--
Jay: It is. *turns back to Dame*
Dame: HAHA Jay you wrong!
Bleek: Man when my album comin out?
Jay: When you put it out nigga.
Bleek: What?
Jay: You gonna do your cover, press up the CDs, ship 'em out to record stores?
Bleek: ... ... Nah, that's--
Jay: Then shut the fuck up and wait til we ready to.
Bleek: You foul dawg. You know that ain't right. I been down since day one.
Jay: Bleek, don't I let you drive the best cars... rock all the best jewelry?
Bleek: They all your old stuff! I want my own shit, this gold not even in style no more man.
Jay: Oh, it's not in style? Well give it back then *motions for Bleek to give him his ring*
Bleek: *clutches onto his ring like Smeagol* Nah, it's cool. I just want what everybody--
Freeway: *walks in and starts talking over Bleek* What up Jay, Dames..
Jay and Dame: HOLLA!
Freeway: Ayo, I gotta kill a witness. My beard was stickin out.
Dame: AGAIN??
Freeway: Yeeeeeaaaah
Dame: Aight, just tells Biggs. He'll take care of it. Don't even sweat that.
Freeway: Cool... *turns to Bleek*
Bleek: what up man
Freeway: *turns to Jay and Dame* HAHAHA
Jay and Dame: HAHAHA
Freeway: *walks away laughing*
Bleek: See man, niggas don't even show me respect. When I had that witness problem, y'all niggas made me handle it myself.
Jay and Dame: *turn away from Bleek and start discussing trivial shit*
Bleek: Man I'm tired of this shit! I'ma start my own label... and then I'ma be the boss. I'ma be the controller of my own destiny. Then... then I won't have to answer to nobody.

Roc-a-Scene Vol.6


Roc-A-Wedding:

*** On the S Dot yacht, somewhere in the Caribbean ***

Beanie Sigel: Don't tell me you lost it.
Bleek: I had it on me this morning, I know I did!
Beanie Sigel: Jay is gonna throw you OFF this mother fucker
Bleek: Shit... shit... shit... *walks in circles, confused*
Beanie Sigel: How you lose a million dollar wedding ring?
Bleek: SSHHHH... keep your voice down nigga!
Beanie Sigel: *chuckles* Nigga you dead.
Bleek: Fuck, I gotta think... THINK Bleek think... if I was a million dollar wedding ring, where would I be?
Beanie Sigel: In a ring box, prick... same as any other ring.
Bleek: I lost the ring box too nigga!
Beanie Sigel: I'm fuckin with you nigga. Calm down.
Bleek: Man, I don't have time for--
Beanie Sigel: So how does it feel?
Bleek: How does what feel?
Beanie Sigel: Being dead
Bleek: SHUT UP!
Beanie Sigel: hahahaha
Bleek: Fuck, I gotta come up with somethin...


*** Jay-Z & Mr. Knowles play poker in the gaming room ***

Jay: *puffs cigar* So you don't mind your daughter marrying a player?
Mr. Knowles: Not at all, I wouldn't expect nothin less. Women always look for a man just like their pops.
Jay: Oh, you were a old school player, huh?
Mr. Knowles: Yeah, whatchu know about the old school, youngin?
Jay: Well, actually I'm almost 40 years old.
Mr. Knowles: No shit? Damn, we coulda rolled together back in the day.
Freeway: EARLY!!
Mr. Knowles: Why does he keep shouting that out the blue?
Jay: So Matt, tell me about B as a kid.
Mr. Knowles: She was a born star... you couldn't tell her nothin. You got your job cut out for you, young scrapper.
Jay: I'ma hold it down.
Freeway: EARLY!!
Mr. Knowles: Okay, can we switch seats? He's startin to scare me.


*** On-board jewelry store ***

Bleek: Good thing this boat has an on-board jewelry store.
Beanie Sigel: Nigga, you gon buy a million dollar ring?
Bleek: I ain't tryin to get thrown off a boat, ya heard
Beanie Sigel: Where you gon get a million dollars?
Bleek: I'm glad you asked... *looks down* See I was wondering if... if it wasn't too much trouble... maybe... I mean I know the State Property gear is jumpin off... and you brilliant for pullin that shit off.. it's hot... forreal.. um... I was hopin that maybe... maybe if you had a lil somethin... maybe you could spot me. You know I'm good for it *looks up*
--Beanie Sigel is nowhere to be found--
Bleek: Beans? *looks around* Beanie??
Jacob the Jewler: Hi, can I help you?
Bleek: Um, yeah... I'm lookin for a wedding ring.
Jacob the Jewler: Congratulations.
Bleek: Nah man, I'm not gettin married. It's for Jay... I need to get the exact ring he got from you last week.
Jacob the Jewler: Oh my... did you lose it?
Bleek: That's not important. Look I need--
Jacob the Jewler: HAHAHA What kind of Smeagol loses a million dollar ring? HAHAHA
Bleek: Why do people keep calling me that? What the fuck is a Shmegal?
Jacob the Jewler: Nevermind. Look my friend, you are in luck. I have one more of those rings left.
Bleek: *sigh* Thank you God!
Jacob the Jewler: It's on sale for 2.5 million.
Bleek: WHAT?!?
Jacob the Jewler: 2.5
Bleek: It was a million like 3 days ago.
Jacob the Jewler: Supply and demand.
Bleek: Man... c'mon Jacob. Don't do this to me man. You know the Roc does you good... we put your kids through college man. Hook me up.
Jacob the Jewler: No, Dame put my kids through college. You ask for free, used chains with other people's names on them every time I see you.
Bleek: Come on man! Shaq didn't buy the shit.. you coulda gave me that piece. Who gonna buy a big ass Twism chain?
Jacob the Jewler: 2.5 my friend.
Bleek: Fuck... aight, but I ain't got it on me. Can I put up my house, car.. um... my momma's crib... and the rest on credit?
Jacob the Jewler: *draws up the papers*

*** The next day... ***


Jay: *fixes collar on Roc-A-Tux* How I look?
Dame: Like a camel in a Tux.
Jay: C'mon nigga, this my big day.
Dame: You look sharp nigga. HOLLA!
Jay: Aight nigga... LET'S DO THIS!

--- Half Hour Later ---

Roc-A-Priest: What up niggas! We're gathered here today... for some truly gangsta shit! *throws up the Roc*
Crowd: HOLLA!
Roc-A-Priest: This is a monumentus occasion right here. Sean Carter aka Jay-Z aka Jigga aka Young Hova aka Big Homie... whatever he's going by today...
Jay: Notorious J.A.Y.
Roc-A-Priest: ... Okay... Today, Notorious J.A.Y. is putting his pimp hand back in the holster, and hanging it up for good. He's finally settling down with none other than Ms. Beyonce Knowles.
Beyonce: *holding the same photo-ready grin for 72 hours straight*
Roc-A-Priest: If anyone here got beef, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Beans: We forever holdin our piece anyway, Rev! *reaches hand in jacket*
Crowd: *laughs*
Bleek: HAHA Yeah, til death do us part! ... get it?
Crowd:
Roc-A-Priest: Um... okay. Does anyone have the ring?
Bleek: *walks up and pulls out 2.5 million dollar ring*
Jay and Dame: *look at each other and laugh*
Bleek: What?
Dame: *pulls ring out his pocket and hands it to Jay*
Bleek: WHAT THE FUCK?? Where do you get that??
Dame: I've had it since he bought it.
Bleek: What the fuck was in the ring box you gave me?
Dame: I dunno, a cereal toy I think.
Bleek: WHAT?!
Dame: You lost it didn't you?
Bleek: .....
Dame: You lost the cereal toy, so you went and bought a million dollar ring, didn't you?
Bleek: 2.5 million
Jay and Dame: *look over to Jacob the Jewler*
Jacob the Jewler: *shrug* holler.
Beyonce: *photo-ready grin*
Bleek: Wait... you put me through all that shit and you didn't even give me a real ring?
Jay: Fuck I look like trusting you with a ring nigga?? If I was your Burger King manager, I wouldn't put you in charge of onion rings.
Freeway: EARLY!
Bleek: *looks around nervous* You said you wouldn't mention that Burger King shit, Jay. I do whatever to make ends meet. I ain't shame.
Jay: Oh really? Ay, everybody can I have your attention... you're lookin at BK's finest! That's right, Bleek here was employee of the month at Burger King.
Crowd: *bursts into laughter*
Bleek: That's IT! I ain't standin for this shit anymore.
Jay: *offers Bleek a chair*
Bleek: Fuck you nigga! Fuck the ROC! Nas murdered you and everyone knows it... Em murdered you on your own shit! You look like a camel... fuck you! I sold my mom's house nigga! Don't come cryin to me when this bitch leaves you for a ball player.
Crowd: *dead silent*
Jay: *looks at Beanie Sigel*
Beans: *nods*

--- an hour later ---

Crowd: *eating cake, dancing to Roc music*
Jay: I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you... or til you get fat.. whichever comes first.
Beyonce: *photo-ready grin*
Dame: Yo Jay, you want some cake?
Jay: Nah, I feel like a whopper with cheese.
Dame: *shouts overboard* Hey, you ready to come back on board and fix us some cheeseburgers nigga?
Bleek: *butt-naked, holdin on to a rope* Yeah
Dame: What? I can't hear you?
Bleek: YEAH NIGGA!
Dame: *puts hand to ear* What was that?
Bleek: YES SIR. I'M READY TO COME SERVE Y'ALL BURGERS!
Dame: Can I have it my way?
Bleek: YES! YOU CAN HAVE IT YOUR WAY!
Dame: Can I get free cheese?
Bleek: C'mon man, you know cheese is a extra 19 cents!
Dame: Aight then... I'll holla at you in another hour. *walks away from edge of the boat*
Bleek: C'mon Dame, pull me up! HOLLA!!
Roc-a-Scene Vol.7

Roc-A-Scene Vol.7: Top Secret Operation

Outside of Baseline Studios, after spending 2 hours talking with security, they finally let in Ant One, after he bribes them with his car, the $71 dollars in his wallet, and convinces his 43 year old girlfriend to give two of the men head.

Ant: I love you baby. I promise I'll make it up to you later!
Bitch: Whatever. We're through... I can't believe you wanna meet Jay-Z this badly. You fucking groupie.
Ant: I told you baby, I'm an insider!
Security: If this old bitch ain't on point with the brains, we beatin your ass when you come out.
Ant: *looks at his girl, hopeful*
Bitch:

*Ant runs into the studio*

Ant: Ayo Jay--

*13 men pull guns on young Ant One*

Dame: Who the fuck are you whiteboy?
Ant: I'm Anthony P-- err, Ant One.
Dame: Who?
Ant: You must have heard of me. I write for MVRemix.com
Dame: What?
Ant: I used to manage Apathy for a couple weeks... back in '99-2000.
Dame: ... *looks at henchman* get rid of him
Ant: WAIT! I handed Little Brother's demo to ABB!

*henchmen grab Ant and start to drag him out*

Ant: I HAVE INFORMATION REGARDING JAY-Z' NEW TOP SECRET PROJECT!!!
Dame: Hold up... ayo Jay? Lemme holla at you for a sec..
* Jay-Z steps out of the booth*

Ant: Hello Mr. Carter *bows down* I love your--
Dame: Shut up.
Ant: .......
Dame: Ayo Jay, you know this dude? Says his name's An'twan
Ant: Ant ONE
Dame: Shut the fuck up.
Ant: An'twan is fine
Dame: SHUT UP. Jay, you know this fool?
Jay: *mumbles, not making eye contact with anyone*
Dame: You heard him.. what do you want?
Ant: uh...I have some news about your recent collaboration with 9th Wonder.
Jay: *mumbles*
Ant: I'm sorry... I tried my best to keep the top secret project under wraps, but the info got leaked early. I sent some angry message board posts to the people behind it.
Jay: secret?
Ant: Yeah, you and 9th.. your secret collabo...
Jay:
Ant: Stupid fucking internet kids, I swear. They have no appreciation or understanding for the game like we do.
Dame: We?
Ant: Bunch of internet white boys...
Jay: *mumbles* ain't you white
Dame: And you said you wrote for an internet website.
Ant: I'm sayin yo... knahmean... *makes rap movements with his hands*
Dame: Did you just start trying to act black?
Ant: .......Ain't nothin but some nerds on them sites Jay. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
*Jay and Dame turn away from Ant*
Jay: Why do they call it an internet street team? That's an oxymoron, right? This cat couldn't promote weed on the streets.
Dame: Speakin of the net, I get these allhiphop alerts forwarded to my 2-way, right?
Jay: yeah?
Dame: I got one the other day... It said "Buy Obie Trice's album for a Chance to Hang with Eminem"
Jay: uh huh?
Dame: But when I looked at it, I thought it said, "Chance to Hang Glide with 'Em"
Jay: hahaha
Dame: It looks just like that, swear to God. I thought you sent it!
Jay: Hang Glide with 'em!
Young Chris: Hang Gliiiide wit 'em
Ant: I don't get it
Young Chris: inside joke faggot
Dame: *points finger up in the air* HANG glide with 'em
Jay: Haaaang glide with 'em!
Ant: HAHAHA I get it. HANG GLIDE WITH HIM!
Jay and Dame:
Ant: ...hang gli.. *goes to high five Young Chris*
Dame: Why the FUCK are you still here, Twan?
Ant: ...what should we do about this info being leaked so early?
Dame: Listen you fucking groupie! That shit ain't no secret... if it was, your bitch ass woulda NEVER heard about it.
Ant: I'm an insi--
Dame: If I have to tell you to shut up again, you're gonna get accidentally shot... you can be on the next allhiphop alert.
Ant: *gets excited*
*Young Chris slaps the shit outta Ant for no reason*
Dame: I know you don't even realize it, but you're a male groupie. You hang around managers, friends of friends of people in the industry, and every time somebody takes your call you think you're making moves in the game. You don't rap. You don't make beats. You don't own a label or any clubs. If you knew a bitch that acted like you, you'd call her a groupie. That's what the fuck you are Twan.
Young Chris: *dyin laughin* My solo album droppin next year Twan. Won' promote me faggot?
Ant: *makes face somewhere between horror and sadness*
Dame: Nobody cares the shit got leaked but you, cause knowin that kinda shit is the only thing that makes you feel special. Once it's out, you have no reason to fucking live any--
Ant: but I--
Dame: *looks over to henchmen*
Ant: .....
Dame: Now go home and work on your urban expressions. If I see you anywhere near here again, I'm gonna plant some shit on you and have you arrested for tryin to sell drugs to my artists. You can spend some time in the fed and be an insider forreal.

* Ant walks outside, notices two of the security guards gone, but hears some loud slurping*

Ant: Baby?... baby is that you?
*sluurp*
Ant: I gave my car and all my money to the security people... you think I could borrow a couple bucks to get home baby?
Random voice: SHUT THE FUCK UP! she tryin to concentrate
Roc-A-Scene Vol.8: Your Future Was Bleek

All of the label's roster and staff are in a rich Jew's mansion, somewhere in a New England town you never heard of. This spot is often used for video shoots and tours to impress investors, but today everyone's gathered for a celebration.


Jay: Everybody settle down, I have an announcement to make.
*crowd looks up*
Jay: College Dropout, Roc-A-Fella's first official release since The Black Album, is a huge success. Kanye, you did 450,000 your first week. You's a genius nigga.
Crowd: *applauds*
Bleek: ....the FUCK?
Jay: This is very important news for the Roc. A lot of people said we couldn't do it after I retired, but Kanye is proof that Roc-A-Fella is the army. First official album to drop after mine already on its way to platinum. We will not lose!
Young Chris: Yessssss
Bleek: first official release?
Crowd: *applauds*
Dame: Man, I'll be the first to admit... when I first heard Kanye rap, I thought he was trash.
Bleek: still is
Dame: But then he started showin that hunger that I get from all the other rappers on the Roc. Jay
Jay: *nods*
Dame: Cam
Cam: Holla
Dame: Young Gunz
Young Chris: Yessssss
Dame: Beans
........

Dame: Where's Beanie?
Freeway: He had to ROCK a nigga last night, URLY! He's in central now... Biggs went to go bail him.
Young Chris: Chea
Dame: Oh okay... *surprisingly not surprised* anyway, we've got a history of great artists on the Roc, leading all the way back to our first official signing, with Beans back in 98.
Bleek: the fuck?!?
Dame: And I just wanna say... anything's possible over here. Kanye, why don't you say a few words.
*crowd cheers*
Kayne: Aw man, I'm speechless... I don't even know what to say. Uh... I'M KILLIN Y'ALL NIGGAS ON THAT LYRICAL SHIT, MAYONNAISE COLOR BENZ I PUSH MIRACLE WHIPS! *goofy ass grin*
*crowd laughs*
Bleek: Man, what the-- this nigga done said that shit 800 gazillion times. Fuck this nigga son.
Kanye: I can't believe it...seemed like it was only yesterday-- (Kanye's speech fades down while Bleek's disappointment grows louder in his head)
Bleek: I mean what the fuck son?! You said yourself you was ridin the train when you wrote that line. You a fake ass nigga and you know it yourself. Up here grinnin like a bitch... like, like shit is a game. It ain't a fuckin GAME.
Kanye: and that's all I gotta say man. It's the Roc!
*crowd cheers*
Jay: Hey Just, you gonna start spittin next, ha?
*crowd laughs*
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Young Chris: Yesssssss
Dame: So congrats to Kanye... everyone enjoy the Armadale. It's on the house.

*crowd goes back to celebrating, with one lonely exception*

Bleek: *depressed, walks over to Just Blaze* Hey man, what you smokin on?
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: Cool, gimme a hit of that. *puffs* You real into music and shit... In your opinion, what does Kanye have that I don't?
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: So you sayin he just got that spark?
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: I don't see it man. I know I rap better than this nigga. I know I'm realer than this nigga. I mean look at this mother fucker. (camera pans up Kanye while Bleek breaks it down) ...$400 designer shoes... some cheap, faded ass jeans.. nigga didn't buy 'em like that. I saw them shits when they were still blue son. And a striped polo that don't match shit in this whole room. This nigga walkin round lookin like a European fag model son.
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: What's that nigga that play the elf on Lord of the Rings?
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: Yeah man, I saw this nigga rockin the same shit on the cover of some magazine, lookin like a bitch. And now this nigga in the same get up. He a disgrace to everything the Roc stood for when I got here. Now he poppin shit like he at the top of the food chain. You feel me?
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: I think I'ma steal on this nigga son, right in his busted ass jaw. I'ma rip this faggot nigga's mouth off and he can make a song about that shit.
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: You right, you right. This ain't the time or the place. I gotta catch this nigga on the humble.
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Bleek: I hate this nigga son. That's my word. If this nigga ever say shit to me, I'ma have him spittin through a casket, you heard? Look, here come that bitch ass nigga right now.
Kanye: *walks up to Bleek and Blaze* what up niggas?
Bleek: Sup
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
Kanye: I just wanna thank y'all for showin me love tonight.
Bleek: Well you know, it's Roc-A-Fella for life. We family.
Kanye: Exactly
Bleek: Everybody get their lil 15 minutes of fame, no matter what. Enjoy it.
Kanye: Yup... Bleek, you're one hit away! *pats Bleek's shoulder, and walks away laughing*
Bleek: *grinds his teeth and literally turns red*
Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze!
Bleek: AYO! EVERYBODY! Listen up! I got a announcement to make!
*everybody stops what they're doing*
Bleek: *surprised everyone listened* .... uh....
*blank stares*
Bleek: Last night, I got in a car acc- a PLANE accident. A plane crash... and I almost died...so I'ma take 50-- 100 Gs of my own money and shoot a video!
*crowd is already back to ignoring him*

Posh Spice: *walks up to Bleek laughing* That was a great story. I don't know how Dame does it...
Bleek: does what?
Posh Spice: Find all this talent. Rappers, producers, now even the waiters are entertainers. *hands Bleek her empty glass and walks off*
Bleek: BITCH! what the FUCK son?!? Aight, I ain't never wearin a suit again.
Cam: *walks up to Bleek* What's goin on fam?
Bleek: Nothin man, just wonderin what the fuck happened to the game.
Cam: I feel you fam. All this faggot shit. It's disgusting.
Bleek: Word... whatchu doin after this?
Cam: Man, I'ma go get my dick sucked by this nigga out back.
Bleek: ........
Cam: Then I probably hit some more of this purple and catch me some Dave Chappelle.
whole crowd: I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!
Bleek: Hol up... you gettin your dick sucked by who?
Cam: This nigga, I forget his name. You want me to ask if he'll hit you off too?
Bleek: Nigga how the fuck you get your dick sucked by a dude?
Cam: Nah fam, don't get it twisted. Ain't no fruity shit goin on over here... not everybody can get away with that shit. But when you the hardest nigga on the block, it's nothin fam. Just like in jail. That don't make you gay, you feel me?
Bleek: Yo... I'ma catch up with you later tho. *walks away*
Cam: Aight man. Ayo--
Bleek: *stops*
Cam: Killa Cam, Purple Haze comin Ca'March 2004
Bleek: ....we on the same label, why you tellin me that?
Cam: I tell everybody that

Roc-a-Scene Vol.9:

Roc-A-Scenes Vol.9: We're Through




Shawn Carter: How can you do this to me now?!? I'm in so much pain already. *puts his hand on his wounded shoulder*

Beyonce: Don't play the sympathy card, you're gonna be fine. It was your own fault it happened anyway.

Shawn: But why? Why break up with me when things were going so well?

Beyonce: I was attracted to you cause of your swagger. You know, how you rapped, dressed, talked... and now... well, you don't rap anymore. And you dress like my dad.

Shawn: B, I'm the same person.

Beyonce: Yeah, but... rap kept you young. Now you're just an old man.

Shawn: Young!

Beyonce: No.

Shawn: Yep!

Beyonce: Stop doing that.

Shawn: Hov!

Beyonce: People are staring at us.

Shawn: Like you don't live for that shit.

Beyonce: .......

Shawn: Okay, I'm sorry. But give a nigga a chance. I'm a man with pride, you don't do shit like that.

Beyonce: I'm sorry, Jay. I love you. Goodbye. *kisses Jay-Z's forehead and walks out of the restaurant, never to see him again*

Shawn: *mourns the loss of his first love for a brief moment* ......wait, she didn't even pick up the check. This bitch dumped me and left me with the tab. That's just rude. *already over Beyonce, Jay calls up a model to spend the evening with*


3 days earlier:




Dame: Album's bout to hit the streets. Y'all excited?

Young Chris: Yessssss

Dame: Where's Neef?

(( Cut-away to Neef Buck, back in Philly selling drugs again ))

Beyonce: I'm so proud of you guys.

Young Chris: Yessssss

Dame: B, where's Jay? Y'all didn't show up together?

Beyonce: Nah, he wanted to come alone. He said he had a surprise for everyone.

Dame: A surprise? Bleek went platinum?

*Beyonce and Chris laugh*

Bleek: Dawg, I can hear you.

Beyonce: Where is Bleek anyway?

Bleek: I'm standin right fuckin here!

Twista: *walks up and nods*

Dame: Heeeey, speakin of platinum, this man is on his way.

Twista: Asithejiggamlistamaripadadiggadydiggadya lamadoshis

Dame: Yeah man, I couldn't believe it myself.

Twista: Reallyamasigajiggadigafillimasid

Dame: I dunno, I'm thinkin around six or seven hundred thousand.

Twista: Ruggadelowfuckemallsmiggateyallrawlsstip penasicken aall

Dame: ....I.... have no idea what you just said.

*the music is lowered and the crowd simmers down*

Jay-Z: *walks in the room with a brown, wool sports coat with patches over the elbows, and some young ass Strangler jeans that Chuck Norris wouldn't be caught dead in* Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Shawn!

*the crowd is dead silent. Dame's cigar drops from his gaping mouth, Kanye stands in disbelief as he no longer has the ugliest jacket in the room, and Cam'ron rubs his hands together*

Beyonce: *gasps... everything in the room disappears except for Jay. In a split second, she sees her future play out in front of her. At age 30, Jay-Z will be 54. She chases their child around the house while Jay's beer gut and arthritis make it impossible for him to keep up. At 45, her husband, the one-time 'King of New York,' is now in diapers and needs help just to make it to the couch, where he'll most likely spend most of his day. She's having an affair with a model, 20 years her junior, but can never reach orgasm without pretending she's someone else. As Jay approaches her, the binds in his skin-tight jeans snap her out of her nightmare.*

Jay: Hey baby. What's up? *kisses Beyonce on the cheek*

Beyonce: *speechless*

Dame: *walks up to Jay, snatches him by the arm and pulls him aside* Jay, what the fuck man? What the FUCK?

Jay: You seem up-tight homie. I need to bring you to my next pilates session.

Dame: *tries to whisper but his anger makes it obvious to everyone what he's saying* Fuck pilates! Jay, what the fuck are you doing?

Jay: I don't wear Jerseys, I'm 30 plus. Give me a crisp pair of jeans nigga--

Dame: Jay, those jeans ain't crisp. They're burnt. Where the fuck did you find a 28 waist to fit your tall ass?

Jay: You got jokes.

Dame: No, YOU got jokes. *rubs his fingers on Jay's wool coat*

Jay: You don't like? This is my new look.

Dame: Jay, may I remind you that we run a clothing company. We still run a label. Your image reflects on all of us. You're... you're like a mascot for our success.

Jay: I know, and I feel like this is the future. This is my future. I'm a grown up forreal.

Bleek: *walks up* yo Jay, nice look. *chuckles*

Jay: Oh, it's funny? *snatches off Bleek's hat, exposing his Wu-Dan moon-shaped hairline*

*everyone in the room laughs*

Jay: See, that's funny.

Dame: You play too much Jay.

Jay: Now slap yourself.

Bleek: Wha?

Jay: ......

Bleek: You said you'd never make me do that in public again.

Jay: ......

Bleek: Fuck that man. I ain't obeyin your every word no more. FUCK YOU JAY!

*crowd goes dead silent again*

Bleek: *looks around* What?

Dame: *snaps his fingers and points at Bleek*

*3 security guards 'manifest' and carry Bleek off into the back, kicking and screaming*

*on the other side of the room, Cam'Ron plots to take over the Roc*

Cam: *shaking his head* Yo doggy, this nigga done lost it.



Jim Jones: *nods*

Cam: This nigga so used to everybody ridin his dick... he actually think niggas will follow anything he does, no matter how gay it looks.

(( camera pans to the left, showing 4 niggas behind Cam, all dressed in pink ))

Jim Jones: I think it's about time for the Dip Set Byrd Gang movement to come in full effect.

Cam: I feel you doggy.

*Cam and Jim Jones do an elaborate gang hand shake that ends in an open-mouth kiss*


(( across the room, several women scream as some commotion is heard near the entrance ))

* M.O.P. shoots 2 members of security and busts into the room *

Lil Fame: FIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Fizzy Wo: Ayo, everybody listen up! WE'RE THROUGH!

Lil Fame: We been on the Roc two years and all these niggas droppin before us.

Fizzy Wo: We can't eat off a 15 thousand dollar advance and some Roc chains, so this is what's going down...

Fizzy Wo and Lil Fame: AAAAAAANTE UP!

Lil Fame: *pulls out giant bag* Put your mother fuckin jewels in the bag!

. *

Fizzy Wo: We know every last mother fucker in this room got on some jewelry. If you waste our time hidin shit in your pockets, we gonna blast on sight.

Lil Fame: *snatching chains and watches* If you ain't got a offerin for the collection plate, you better borrow some by the time we get to you.

Fizzy Wo and Lil Fame: AAAAAAANTE UP!

*M.O.P., frustrated with their album being shelved, robs the entire Roc-A-Fella staff. An older, more enlightened Shawn Carter decided to come to the party without any jewelry, and Lil Fame shot him in the shoulder

har bara läst vol.3 i andra tråden men håller hela skitet kvaliten så kommer jag ha många roliga stunder framöver. Vem e det som har skrivit detta förresten o var har den publicerats??

TheSoulSnatcher P18

det finns ingen exakt källa till dem, dem har publicerat lite här å var på olika forum