chyde- sad - Bazookahjoe P0 I'd really like a comment from you!

when you feel so small is the times when you gotta rise up*

hmm...

Hey Chyd3!

Well, in my humble opinion, I´ll say this, you´re not..lol.

Is this a poetry peice?

This to me, looks more like a poem than a rhyme.
(eventhough some words did rhyme).

And that being the case, the criteria and the standard evaluation points are different. Let me explain what I mean, I won´t comment on the absense of multies or metas or flow.
As these are some of the basic aspects of s verse/rhyme.

But to look at this more as a poem, and if I try to think of
what I would consider weak points in this poem.
I´d first of all say that, what immediately catches my eye,
and what ends up being my overall impression of this piece.
Is that the wording is off, and wierd.

And since this is a poem, where you´re not restricted by having to phrase and structure everything to fit into a "bar" format.
Why not add a few adjectives to paint a clearer and more eloquent picture?

Feel me? I´m not gonna go into specific quotes, but to sum it up.

 I can appreciate where you´re trying to go with this piece.
I like how you attempt to go into the deeper and more subliminal
emotions and feeelings that dwells in the mind of a human.

But they problem is that with the wording, the inaccurate use of many words, often malplaced and at times, it´s just plain not the right word in the right place..

These lines are more or less only attempts, and they´re not reaching the target.

But I think you could improove considerably if you,
work on your vocab,  get down with the "big" words,
and just keep writin´!

thanks! i'll consider what you said.